The Dark Emissary: Uprising
LOLSTORYTIME Yes, yes, calm down. It'll be slow at first. Shut up. DMSDONTRUSHME. (at least its not Cuts) Chapter 1 - New Hub City It was a plain sunny day in the city. Several characters are in the LDZX HQ building, including most if not all major characters. ZX: ...and that's how we almost lost DMS. HGD: ALL that happened while I was gone? DMS: Yup. You pretty much missed everything significant that happened with all of us. Now, ZX, if you were just trying to catch HGD up, why did you call us all up here? ZX: THAT'S because I have a suprise for all of you. LD: Hm, really? What could that be? ZX: Well, I've been working on this for a long while in secret, and now it's finished. ZX walks over to something covered with a tarp. Pinkie: What's that? ZX pulls the tarp off dramatically. Underneath it is what appears to be a model of a city. ZX: THE NEW HUB CITY!!!! DMS: ...What's that? ZX: It's only the thing that'll get this land back into shape. As you can see, profits have been way down these past months, and the city we're in has little access to the growing eastern population, so, over the past time, the LDZX construction team and I have made this new tourist city of sorts. Not only does it function as any city, but includes a central park, numerous public diversions, as well as other whatnot, and we made a railroad specifically for transport to/from said city! DMS: I'll admit, impressive... ZX: And, get this. LDZX co. has funded a free vacation to Hub City for ALL of us!! LD: Sweeeeeet! Luna: You mentioned something about a railroad? ZX: Oh, yes, and it's the best train you'll ever ride. A smooth ride across the country over two days in the luxury transit express line! Complete with seperate rooms, and a dinner area! Luna: Two days...?? HGD: This is fantastic! When are we going? ZX: Tommorrow! LD: TOMMORROW? Twilight: Don't we have jobs to do? ZX: Oh, I have that taken care of. Day off for all! Meeting over. Pinkie: Yaaaaayyyy!!! Several of them head thier seperate ways, preparing for a good night's rest before tomorrow to catch the train. At DMS and Luna's castle... DMS: Well, this should be interesting! A vacation! Luna: Hm... Should be fantastic. A two day train ride, though... DMS: We'll have to get ZX to give us private rooms on the train... Heh. Luna giggles once and gives DMS a quick kiss. Luna: Wait... oh DAMNIT. DMS: What?? Luna: What about the baby?? DMS: Oh for God's sake... They ponder for a second. DMS: I've got an idea. It's... a stretch, to say the least. Luna: What is it? DMS: What if... well... Kuipter and Celestia watched the baby? Luna: FUCKING WHAT?!? DMS: WELL WE CAN'T REALLY GET TWILIGHT TO WATCH HER. I MEAN, HELL, SHE'S GOING WITH US! AND WE CAN'T JUST TAKE SOLARIA WITH US!! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE TO TAKE CARE OF HER!! Luna: Revelian. You forget. BOTH of them have tried to kill us on NUMEROUS occasions, and you want to leave our CHILD with them?! Who knows what they could do!?! DMS: WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS? I'D BE GLAD TO HEAR THEM. Luna thinks, hard. Finally, she sighs. Luna: There's nothing else we can do. We can't really rely on Twilight's other friends... And there's no one else to take care of her... But if those two do ANYTHING to my baby... DMS: They won't. I promise. Alright, lemme call them up... DMS pulls out his cell phone and dials Kuipter. At Kuipter's home... Kuipter lies on a couch, asleep. His cell phone rings, making him jump up and blast a hole in the wall with his arm cannon. Celestia: Kuipter, dear, that's the 5th hole thus far. Kuipter: DAMNIT I KNOW. Wait, why the hell is REVELIAN calling me?? Celestia: Ooh, interesting. Answer it. Kuipter: And what the hell do you want?? DMS: I'm gonna be blunt. Do you want to make some money?? Kuipter looks at Celestia and grins. Kuipter: Maybe. DMS: Listen, me and Luna are gonna be gone for a week. We need someone to take care of Solaria. If we let you stay at our castle for the next week TO TAKE CARE OF SOLARIA, we'll pay you 1000 gold each. Kuipter: Hm... Tempting. 2000 gold. DMS: 1500 gold. Kuipter: 1750. DMS: URGH. FINE. And you listen carefully... If I come back, and I find that you two jackasses haven't taken care of my baby, I promise you, I'll plunge a sword so far up your asses, you'll be singing fucking BEETHOVEN! And you better not fuck my castle up, either!! Kuipter: Don't worry, bro! Relax!! We'll take care of the damned kid. DMS: YOU BETTER. The phone hangs up. Celestia: What did he want? Kuipter: He's gonna pay us 3500 bucks to take care of his baby while he and Luna are away. Celestia: Ooh, and we get to stay in Revelian's castle? Kuipter: Yup! Celestia: This is going to be very interesting... Kuipter: Hehe. Chapter 2 - I Like Trains The night had passed. ZoshiX stood with everyone at the station, except for DMS and Luna, who were late. The train conductor looked at his watch expectantly. Everyone else is one the train, which is very large, having seperate rooms and such. Conductor: C'mon, we have a busy schedule! ZX: Alright, alright, hold on... Where ARE they? LD: Maybe they "overslept". ZX: Oh God... Suddenly, DMS and Luna can be seen from a distance. They run like mad towards the train. DMS: WE'RE HERE DON'T LEAVE YET. ZX: Finally! What kept you? DMS: We had to wait for the "babysitters" to arrive. ZX: Who'd you get to do it? DMS: Well, you see, well, Kuipter and Celestia. ZX: WHAT?! DMS: It's not as bad as you think. Money's involved, and, well, it's Kuipter. Plus, I promised to kick both of thier asses if even one scratch is on that child. It suddenly starts to rain. Pinkie: Eek! Come on, let's get on the train! The gang all dashes onto the train before they get soaked. ZX: Well, whatever, it's your kid I guess... Everyone here? ZX runs down the list. Everyone is present. Conductor: All aboard!! Train to New Hub is departing!! The train doors close as the engine starts to accelerate. After a good few seconds the train is out of the station and on it's way to the city. HGD: So, you said this train has rooms, right? Where are we all staying? ZX pulls out out a list. ZX: Let's see, I've got DMS and Luna in room 1, LD and HGD in room 2, Twilight and 02 in room 3, Me and Pinkie in room 4, and Lazro and Sam in room 5. Room 6 is empty. Meal services are in the kitchen, which is in the third car. There's also a little souvenier shop, and you can put extra luggage in the caboose. The trip will be over 2 days and one night. (Reference for the Reader: Engine-R1-R2-Kitchen-R3-R4-R5-R6-Caboose) LD: Did you hear that, Hank? ROOM MATES! We're going to play board games, and eat pizza, and play tic tac toe, and play board games, and play cards, and eat pizza, and watch TV, and play- HGD: HOORAYIGETIT! DMS: Hear that Luna? We're sharing a room tonight. Luna: Lovely... ZX: Yeah yeah talk about your "activities" later. Preferably without any of us around. If you guys want breakfast it's ready. I'm going to go to my room to do something for a minute. I'll see you guys in a bit. ZX exits the car, headed through the next few cars to go to room 4. The others go to the dining car for breakfast. ZX walks down the hallway into the room. He takes his laptop out of his bag and sets it on a desk as he sits down. He opens it up and a window pops up. After loading for a second, a videochat pulls up, and someone appears on the other side. It simply appears as a human-like body, but with a faceless cube as a head. Blockhead: Hello, sir. How are you doing? ZX: Oh, fine. I just wanted to check on you guys. You have the instructions I gave you, right? Blockhead: Yes, we posess the information. We will follow it strictly. ZX: Alright. See you guys later. Blockhead: Farewell. ZX closes the window and puts the laptop away. He stands up and heads towards the dining car, where everyone sits. He sits next to Pinkie and starts to eat with them. ZX: Yeesh, it's storming out there... Hope we'll be ok. Meanwhile, on top of the car... A figure desperately clings onto the top of the car as it moves. The figure crawls over the tops of the cars, until it makes it to the dining room car. It peers into the room through a skylight at DMS, and grins. A bolt of lightnight flashes, and the figure is revealed to be Chrysalis. Chrysalis: I knew he'd be here... Heheh. I think there's a 6th "bedroom" car on this train... I'll have to break in and lock the door. No way in Hell I'm staying up here... Chrysalis turns around and crawls over the tops of the cars, soon reaching the last room next to the caboose. She drops down and smashes through a window on the side of the car. She then twists the handle on the door to keep it closed. Chrysalis: Good... Back at the dining room... ZX: Did you hear something break?? DMS: Mighta ran over a rock on the tracks. ZX: No, it sounded like glass... DMS: Hmm... Oh well, nothing to dwell on. ZX: I guess so... They resume eating. Meanwhile, at DMS' castle... Kuipter hangs on a chandelier in the foyer. Kuipter: HAHAHA!!! The chandelier cord snaps, and they both fall to the floor. The chandelier flat out explodes, sending electrical sparks everywhere. Celestia facepalms. Celestia: So much for not breaking anything! Tell me, Kuipter, on how you plan to fix this. Kuipter: I had a plan to fix this?? Celestia: WELL, I DO WONDER. REVELIAN, AFTER ALL, DID TELL US NOT TO BREAK ANYTHING. Kuipter: Ah, fuck... I'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING. Celestia: All 3 of us are going to die, aren't we? Kuipter: PROBABLY. LOOK, I'LL JUST HAVE REVELIAN DEDUCT THE COST OUT OF OUR PAY. Think he'd allow it? Celestia: Probably not. Kuipter: I'LL CALL AND ASK HIM. He gets on his cell phone and calls DMS. DMS: What did you two fuck up? Kuipter: NOTHING. Listen, if, hypothetically, we broke something, would you deduct it from our pay instead of out-right killing us? DMS: Depends on what you would break. Name something. Kuipter: Err... A chandelier?? DMS: You broke the chandelier in the foyer, didn't you? LD: HAHAHAH!!! Kuipter: NO!! Celestia: Yes. DMS: DAMNIT, KUIPTER. THAT COSTED ME 2000 GOLD!! Kuipter: AWW MAN, YOU'RE TAKING OVER HALF OF OUR PAY ALREADY?! DMS: YOU'RE FUCKING LUCKY I'M NOT TAKING ALL OF YOUR PAY, YOU IGNORANT FUCKING TWAT!! DMS angrily hangs up. Kuipter: WELP, WE'RE SAFE, AT LEAST! Celestia: We're going to wind up not getting payed, are we? Kuipter: PROBABLY. BEATS BEING KILLED. AGAIN. Celestia facepalms. Back on the train... LD: WHY did you have those two watch your kid again?? Why not Twilight's friends?? DMS: Because shut up. LD: WITTY RESPONSE. So they finish breakfast. The day is rather uneventful. Later on... DMS walks towards the 6th room. He looks, confused, at the door glass that seems to be blocked. DMS: What the hell? DMS tries to open the door, but can't. DMS: What the hell is up with the door?? Oh, fuck it. I'm bored out of my fucking skull! AND WE GET TO DO THIS FOR TWO DAYS. LD: STOP YELLING. DMS: FUCK OFF. Hank: This is going to be interesting... Urgh. Meanwhile, ZX and Pinkie sit in their room. Pinkie: This is going to be so much fun!! ZX: Yeah. New Hub City's a great place. But the train ride's going to be really boring... ZX lays back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He listens to the rain pound the top of the car. ZX feels drowsy. He shakes his head and raises up. ZX: No, can't sleep now... Ugh. Pinkie yawns loudly. ZX: It's only 3 o'clock... Ugh. Wonder what we could... Pinkie: ... She blushes and looks at ZX. ZX: ...What? Pinkie giggles and pushes ZX over. ZX: Oh, that. Wait, make sure the train car is locked... Pinkie: But what if Lazro or Sam want into their rooms?? ZX: They're all probably screwing around in the bar. Ugh, just forget it... We can't do anything until tonight, when everyone else is asleep... Pinkie sighs and gets back up. Pinkie: Wanna go to the bar with the others? ZX: I guess... They both leave the room. After heading through the currently empty 3rd car, they arrive shortly at the kitchen car, where inevitably DMS, Luna, and HGD sit at the bar. Twilight is sitting at one of the tables, reading a book with a cup of coffee, while Lazro and Sam play some kind of board game on another table. Ludicrine is unseen at the moment. ZX: Sup, guys? Lazro: Nothing. However, I can't seem to lose against this guy. He SUCKS at eels and next signs. S17: WHY CAN'T I WIN THIS STUPID GAME?! Pinkie walks over to the bar to HGD. HGD: I'll have a double, no, wait, make that triple, extra foam too-much-blood-in-your-alchohol-system special, if you will, kind sir. DMS: Hank, nobody wants to see you that drunk. Remember that party...? HGD: Oh, I can't help it. Plus- LD bursts out of a door loudly. LD: GUYS!!! THE BATHROOM SOAP SMELLS LIKE BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!! Everyone looks at him strangely. LD: ....I thought it was cool.... HGD: Anyway... What'll it matter. It's not like, we're going to battle or anything. Let drunks be drunks. The bartender appears with HGD's drink. He gulps it down enjoyably. DMS: Geez... So, ZX, what were you doing back in your room? ZX: Oh, just taking care of business. Wanted to make sure the Blockheads were in order. Luna: The who? ZX: Don't worry about it. So, what are you guys up to? Luna: Bored. DMS: Very, very bored. ZX: Oh, it'll be worth it when we get to NHC. Sigh, I wish there was something else we could do... DMS: Wait, isn't that a air-hockey table over there? ZX: Oh, I love that game! DMS: YOU'RE ON. DMS and ZX run over to the table. ZX gets the puck first. He smacks the puck, bouncing it off of the boarders. DMS manages to hit it back... sending the puck flying off of the board. It begins bouncing off of the walls like a bullet, DMS: TAKE COVER!! Everyone dives to the floor except for Hank. The puck inevitably beans off of his head, sending him flying to the floor. Hank: DMS: Sorry, Hank. The gang resumes their activities, while Hank lies on the floor, passed out and sober. Chapter 3 - "Riding on the Train... at night" The rest of the day passes without anything important happening. After dinner, nothing important happens again. HGD woke up about two hours after the incident, where he decided to retreat to his room to subside with an ice pack and some painkillers. When it starts to get a little late, everyone starts to get ready for bed. ZX: Alright, guys, see you tommorrow. We're headed off to bed. DMS: Yeah, I'm so tired, that IF ANYONE GETS THE IDEA TO GO THROUGH OUR ROOM, DON'T. He stares at them all once. They get the memo. Everyone goes to thier rooms except DMS and Luna. Luna: Well, I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you in bed if you need me. DMS: Alright, I just have something I have to take care of. See you in a minute. Luna: Alright. She kisses him on the cheek and goes to their room. DMS stands in the kitchen alone. DMS: Now, let's see about this damned room... DMS walks towards the 6th room. He punches through the glass, knocking over the object that blocked the window, and hears a cry of shock. DMS: WHO THE FUCK IS IN THERE?? Chrysalis crawls underneath the bed, hiding. DMS kicks the door open, sending it flying across the room. DMS stomps into the room and looks around. DMS: Someone's been here, alright... Come out, come out, wherever you are... DMS walks towards the bed. Chrysalis holds her breath. DMS picks the bed up and throws it across the room. DMS: AHA!! THERE YOU ARE!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Chrysalis stands up, calmly. She grins. Chrysalis: What, wasn't the queen invited? DMS: FUCK NO!! YOU WOULD BE ONE OF THE LAST PEOPLE WE'D INVITE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?!? Chrysalis: I was bored. What else?? DMS: YOU CAME HERE TO CAUSE MORE TROUBLE, DIDN'T YOU?! LD walks into the room, angrily. LD: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE YELL- HOLY SH/T ITS YOU. Meanwhile, in ZX and Pinkie's room... The two sit on the bed, making out. Pinkie falls back on the bed, blushing violently. However, loud shouts and noises are heard from the end of the train. ZX sighs angrily and gets up out of the bed. ZX: The hell? Pinkie, I'll be right back. I need to check out whatever is going on down there. Pinkie: Aww.... come right back! ZX walks out of the room, and goes into room 5, and notices that the door to room 6 is broken. He goes inside to see DMS and LD as well as Chrysalis having a shout fight. He just stands there. DMS: WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT A- HI ZX. ZX: Really? You again? We don't have the time for this. Are we going to have to handle this the easy way or the hard way? Chrysalis: Is that a rhetorical question? ZX: Damnit, I just want to sleep. DMS: Yeah, right, I know what you were planning to do with Pinkie. ZX: What?? DMS: You're as hard as rock. ZX: OH GOD DAMNIT. ZX blushes viciously and covers himself. Chysalis: Oh, it's alright, don't feel bad at hardening up in front of the queen... hehehe... ZX: UGH, DMS, WANT TO GET RID OF HER?! DMS: YES. HGD: WAIT!!! HankGuideDude bursts through the door pauses the screen. HGD: Hey you! In front of the screen! Do you remember how to fight? -Yes -N- DMS: HANK THEY KNOW HOW IT WORKS. STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL. HGD: Oh... okay! Let's go then!! (Fake) Boss: Chrysalis HGD: WAIT!! Who the hell is this, again?? DMS: LONG. FUCKING. STORY. HGD: GOTCHA. LET'S DO THSI!! ZX used PSI Freeze! Chryalis didn't take any damage! DMS charges forward! Chryalis took 1201 damage! LD attacks with TRANCE! Chysalis took 2392 damage! HGD attacks! Chrysalis took 902 damage! Chrysalis shapeshifted into ZX! ZX: OH GOD NO. Chrysalis used PSI STARSTORM!! The train car was destroyed, throwing ZX, DMS, HGD, and LD off of the train!! BATTLE END!! The gang rolls onto the ground. The train zooms off, leaving them behind. Chysalis: Hahaha... Well, that was easy!! Farewell, fools!! Chrysalis flies off. DMS: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT YOU SLUT!! URGH. HGD: The train!! DMS: HOLD ON. DMS grabs all 3 of them and launches himself at high speed towards the train. He smashes through one of the doors to the train, sending all 4 of them sprawling to the ground. Luna and Pinkie stand in front of one of the doors, worried. Luna: Revelian, what the hell happened?? DMS: CHRYSALIS. ANNOYING SLUT. GDSSD. Luna: That bitch?! Where is she?! I'll kill her! DMS: Already gone... Urgh. Pinkie: Zoshi!! Are you alright?? ZX climbs to his feet. ZX: Urgh, I'm alright... Come on, let's get back to bed... DMS: Pinkie! Make sure you nurse him back to health, ok?? Hehe! ZX: SHADDUP. Pinkie: No worries! ZX: *Sigh*. Luna: Speaking of nursing... Luna grabs DMS and drags him back to their room. LD: WELL DAT SURE WAS A NICE LITTLE DISTRACTION. At least things picked up! ...For a bit... Let's go back to bed. HGD: What just happened?? They both go back to bed. Meanwhile, in Twilight and 02's room... Twilight stares at the ceiling, eyes bloodshot. 02 lies on the other bed, snoring incredibly loudly. Twilight gets up and pokes 02 to try and make her stop. 02 jerks up, roars at Twilight once, and goes back to sleep, snoring loudly. Twilight runs the fuck away and curls up into a ball in the corner, shaking. Meanwhile, at DMS' castle... Kuipter sits at the dining room, drinking wine they stole from DMS' fridge. Celestia walks into the kitchen with a pitcher of water. Kuipter: Why don't you want any wine?? Celestia: Kuipter, I'm pregnant! Kuipter: So? Celestia stares at him for a moment. Celestia: You have no basic understanding of the female body, do you? Kuipter: All I know are the four places to shove a dick- Mouth, pussy, ass, and tits. Celestia facepalms. Celestia: Vulgar asshole... If I drink alcohol, it would be bad for the child. Kuipter: How?? She doesn't know you're drinking! Celestia facepalms harder. Celestia: IT COULD SCREW HER UP. BIG TIME. Kuipter: ...Oh. Celestia: Why am I with you again?? Kuipter: It's like my hand. Celestia: ...Why?? Kuipter: Beats the fuck outta me! Celestia sighs, drinking some water. Chapter 4 - I'M ON A BOAT TRAIN The next morning... DMS wakes up. He feels Luna's constant, strained breath on his throat. He gently pushes her aside and climbs to his feet. He takes a quick look at the clock on the nightstand. It's 9:26 am. They would be at New Hub that afternoon. He decides to go to the kitchen. Twilight is at the table, face down into a book, asleep. Nobody else seems to be in the room except a couple of staff members. DMS nudges Twilight. She groans and picks up her head. Her eyes are a little bloodshot and she looks horrible. Twilight: Why....oh God why.... DMS: What? Twilight: YOUR MOTHER!!! SHE SLEEPS LIKE A MONSTER!! DMS: Oh, that. You okay? Twilight: Oh, yeah.... just a little sleepy is, *yawn*, all.... zzzz..... She facedesks and falls back asleep. DMS decids to go check out the souvenier shop. Inside was 02 and LD, who appeared to be looking at a couple things. LD appears to be arguing with the cashier. LD: Are you SURE you guys don't sell the bathroom soap?!! Cashier: NO. WE DO NOT. LD: But it smells SO GOOD!!!! The cashier repeatedly headesks. DMS walks over towards 02. DMS: Hey, mom?? Remember how you were supposed to take your snoring medicine?? 02: Oh, I forgot about that! ...Why? DMS: Twilight's passed out on the kitchen table. She wasn't able to sleep because of your snoring. 02: ...Oops. DMS: Yeah, might want to remember next time. There's a loud racket. DMS and 02 spin towards the table. LD has flipped the cashier's table over, and is strangling the cashier. LD: GIMME THE GOGBEAVERDAMN SOAP!!! Cashier: NEVER!! DMS facepalms. Meanwhile... ZX and Pinkie both wake up. ZX: Yeesh... Pinkie turns over to him and giggles. Pinkie: Last night was fun, no? ZX: You said it... ZX turns over and gets up, stretching out. Pinkie gets up as well and gets dressed. They head into the souvenier shop. Inside, they see LD strangling the cashier. ZX: LD!! What the hell are you doing?! LD: DSFSVDFS GIVE ME THE SOAP!!! ZX: DMS!! Stop him!! DMS: Ok, fine. DMS picks up a 2x4 that just so happens to be lying around and bashes LD upside the head with it, knocking him into the opposite wall that's 15 feet away. ZX: YEESH! DMS: What? I stopped him! ZX facepalms. ZX: Where's Twilight? DMS: Passed out on the table in the kitchen. ZX: 02's snoring? 02: Yup... Heheh. Luna then walks into the souvenier shop, having only put on a bra and panties. ZX's jaw drops, before getting forcefully closed by Pinkie. DMS: ERRM. LUNA. Luna: Ugh... what?? DMS: CARE TO PUT SOME MORE CLOTHES ON, DEAR? Luna: What?? OH DAMNIT. Luna runs off to get dressed. ZX: Well that was ho-I mean awkward. Meanwhile... At DMS' castle... Kuipter: YEEEHAWW!! Kuipter rides on top of Omegasus (one of my pets). The poor creature crawls along the ground. Celestia stands nearby, nursing the baby. Celestia: Kuipter, you incompetent brute! Get off of the poor thing! Kuipter: Fine, fine, sheesh! Kuipter gets off of Omegasus. Omegasus crawls along the ground, gasping for breath. He walks over to a couch and slumps on it, bored. Kuipter: I wonder if DMS and Luna have any sex tapes... Celestia: Let's not find out. Kuipter: Yeah, you're hotter then her, anyways. Well, not now at the moment. Celestia: And what does that mean?? Kuipter: Well look at you! You're packing a damned child! Celestia: That's YOUR fault, you incompetent buffoon! Kuipter: ...Shaddup. Meanwhile, back on the train... Overall, nothing really eventful happens. LD never gets any soap, either. Boo hoo. Around the afternoon... They arrive at New Hub City. Chapter 5 - Plot Advancement Arrival The gang steps out of the train. As they walk out, the enormous city stands before them. At the moment a central park is visible with buildings on the skyline. The central park is enormous, with a large, intricate fountain in the center and freshly cut grass covering the majority of the ground. Several strange looking trees grow out of the ground. HGD: ... LD: Wow! Stupendous! DMS: Impressive... Lazro walks over to one of the trees. Lazro: What are these? I've never seen these in my life! ZX: Oh! Those were imported from one of the mountain series. They looked kind of funny, so we bred some here. I thought they complimented the scenery. Try the fruit! It's supposed to taste good. Lazro pulls off one of the strange cubic fruits and takes a large bite out of it. The taste is unrecognizable, but still quite pleasing. Lazro: Yup! Pretty good I say. ZX: Now, to be clear... He hands them all a map. ZX: The highlighted building on 7th street is our hotel. Meet there with the rest of us at least before midnight. Otherwise, your all free to roam the city, see what you like, do whatever. See you soon! DMS: Alright, then. Come on, Luna. 02: Can I come with you two? DMS: Well, I certainly don't see why not. DMS, 02, and Luna all head off. Pinkie: Twilight! Come with me and Zoshi! Twilight: Alright, alright, coming! Twilight runs after them. Lazro: COME, SAMUEL. WE MUST ROAM TEH LANDZ. S17: YAYZ! Lazro and S17 run off. HGD: ...Errmm... LD slides dangerously close to him. HGD: ...SOMEONE HELP ME!! LD grabs Hank and runs off with him. Meanwhile... A figure stands on top of a building, watching them. Chrysalis chuckles once, and flies off after DMS' group. MEANWHILE YET AGAIN... Kuipter sits on DMS' couch, guzzling wine and watching TV. Celestia walks into the room, irritated. Celestia: Damnit, Kuipter!! You haven't done anything to help me!! Kuipter: WELL I DUNNO HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A DAMNED KID! Celestia: WELL LEARN HOW. THE BABY NEEDS HER DIAPER CHANGED, AND I'M SICK OF CLEANING SHIT OFF OF MY HAND! YOUR TURN!! Kuipter: SAY WHAT?!? Celestia: Kuipter, you're going to have a child of your own soon!! And you've gotta learn how to take care of it when I'm not around! Kuipter: ...Can we get an abortion?? Celestia: WHAT!? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Kuipter: Ugh, it'll be quick! Just give me a coathanger and I'll- Celestia: NO. NOW YOU. DMS' ROOM. SHIT-RIDDLED DIAPER. GO. Celestia storms off. Kuipter sighs angrily and heads to DMS' room. He looks at Solaria, who's crying in her crib. Kuipter: AWRIGHT SHADDUP FOR A SECOND... Kuipter summons an energy blade out of his arm cannon and slices the diaper off. He throws it in a waste bin. Kuipter: ...WHAT DO I DO NOW?! Celestia: Clean the baby's butt off! Kuipter looks over and spots some wet wipes sitting nearby. He grabs them and cleans the baby off. Kuipter: BLUH!! THIS IS NASTY!! Celestia: I'VE DONE THE SAME DAMNED THING 30 FUCKING TIMES. YOU'LL LIVE, I PROMISE! Kuipter throws the dirty wipes away and grabs another diaper. Kuipter: Ermm... Hmm... Kuipter pulls out a knife, wraps the baby up loosely in the diaper, and rams the knife through the diaper to keep it in place. Kuipter: DONE!! Celestia: Did you put baby powder on the baby?? Kuipter: DAMNIT. Kuipter quickly removes the diaper and puts powder on the baby. He the finishes and runs off. Kuipter: DUNIMMAWATCHTVNOW. Celestia: Lemme see if you did it right... She heads upstairs. Celestia: DAMNIT, KUIPTER!! WE DO NOT USE A KNIFE TO KEEP THE BABY'S DIAPER ON!! Kuipter: WELL WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO USE?!? Celestia: THEY'RE CALLED "BOBBY PINS", YOU INSOLENT BUFFOON!! URGH, AT LEAST YOU GOT EVERYTHING ELSE RIGHT... Celestia puts the diaper on correctly, then heads back downstairs. Celestia: Ugh... You're useless. Meanwhile in New Hub... ZoshiX, Pinkie and Twilight roam about town, looking for something fun to do. Pinkie spots a small shop-looking thingy in the corner of an alley. Pinkie: What's that over there? ZX: ....I don't know what that is. I guess someone already bought out the building. We could check it out if you want. Pinkie: Why not? We've got all day! ZX: Fair enough. They walk over to the door. It is a large, heavy door, with a small eyeslit near the middle. A plaque sits next to the door. On it, reads: "PhD. D&D, Professional Psychics." Twilight: Fortune telling? I've always been interested by the subject, but I've never truly had mine told. Can we get in? ZX: I don't know. Personally, I've always thought they were a little fishy, but we can try it. Probably just another stereotype of mine. ZX knocks on the door a couple times. Someone walks up to the door. Dr.D: Password? ZX: Wha- we don't know a password! Dr. D: Well, tough luck man, that's how you get in. See ya later, or not. Twilight: Hello? Dr. D: ? Twilight: I'm sorry, sir, but I really wanted to try it. He opens the eyeslit Dr. D: Like I said, nob- Wait a second... He goes into the building again. Mumbling can be heard vaguely from outside. He comes back. Dr. D: You got money? ZX: Yeah! You gonna let us in? Dr. D: Alright... Latches unlock and the large door opens. Standing behind it is a large fellow, quite fat in nature. He wears a red robe and colorful garments. His face is covered. Dr. D: Come right in... As they walk inside, another figure is visible in the dark room. Sitting at a table is presumably the psychic, however his/her face is not shown, and the entire body is draped with a large dark sheet. They seem to be wearing a pointy hat under the sheet. (Now, both are known as "PhD. D" but for your convenience the second fellow will be referred to as "Psychic.") Psychic: Come in! Come in! We'll be sure to accomodate your desires. ZX, Pinkie, and Twilight look at each other nervously, but soon walk in. Elsewhere... Lazro and S17 walk down an alleyway. They spot something ahead. Lazro: Woah, what's that? Ahead of them, a tall, black figure eats away at a Blockhead. It looks similar to an Equestrian, but has short, stubby insect-like wings. It has short, stubby hair, and wears a small, blue shawl. Large holes also line its limbs. It makes angry, low growls as it tears away at the Blockhead, eating anything it can eat. Lazro: What's that?? The monster raises its head up, having heard Lazro. It spins around to face them. It has cyan, insect-like eyes. It hisses at the two! Lazro: TAKE HEED, SAMUEL! THAR BE A MONSTER IN FRONT OF US!! CHAAAAARGE!! Lazro and S17 charge at the monster! Battle: 1 Unknown Monster! Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas! Monster takes 1021 damage! S17 charges up a mega slash! The monster gets enveloped in a green light! When it vanishes, S17 is standing there! Lazro: WUTDEFUQ!? A shapeshifter?! The monster unleashes a flaming slash! Lazro takes 2849 damage! The monster returns to normal. Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became an SMG! Lazro fires the SMG! Monster takes 17389 damage! The monster fell over and died! YOU WIN! Lazro: What the hell is this thing?? I bet DMS would know! Lazro pulls out his cell phone and takes a picture of the monster. He then sends it to DMS via a text and asks him what this was. Meanwhile... DMS, Luna, and 02 stroll down a pathway next to a river. DMS' phone rings. He pulls it out. DMS: What the hell?? The text reads: "hey dms wut is dis", along with the picture. DMS: Damnit! Chrysalis must have followed us here. Luna: What?? DMS: Lazro and Sam just killed a Changeling. Luna: Ugh! DMS replies to Lazro's text and puts the phone away. DMS: Ugh, let's keep moving. Just keep your eyes out for Chrysalis- knowing her, she's stalking us right now... They keep moving forward. Back in the alleyway... Lazro: According to DMS, this is a Changeling, one of Chrysalis' minions. S17: But weren't they all killed? Lazro: She must have used some magic or something to take more out of Equestria. We've gotta be careful. BUT UNTIL THEN, MORE RANDOMNESS TO BE HAD!! S17: YAYZ!! They keep moving. A figure leaps down from one of the buildings and follows them. Meanwhile, at the Psychic... Psychic: Now, whose future am I telling here? Or are we doing a personality test? Twilight: Predict the future? Impossible! I'd love to see you try. Psychic: Glad to oblige. That'll cost 50 gold. ZX: Fifty? That's outrageous! Psychic: Your choice... Twilight: Fine... here you go. She hands him the money. Psychic: Alright, now, let me get my crystal ball... He rummages through some things on a shelf. He pulls out a dusty crystal ball and sets it on the table. He dusts it off, scattering dust into the room. Psychic: Lets *cough* get started shall we? Now... Spirits! Spirits from beyond! For these three of each other fond! Thier future whisper to me may! So that they know of passing day! Do Tell! Tell! Psychic: Look deeply into the ball with me. They all lean in. Vague images are visible in the ball. Psychic: Now... I see... I see something bad in your future... Twilight: What is it? Psychic: One of you... taken... It's, it's fading quickly... Dr. D creeps up behind the three of them, carrying a large hammer. He lifts it slowly... Psychic: I see... All 3 of you getting bashed in the head with a hammer! Twilight: What?? -THWACK!!!- All three of them are sideswiped by a crasing blow to the head. They lose conciousness. Psychic: Hehe... suckers. Now, you remember the plan? Dr.D: Yeah. Let's get outta here before anyone notices. Psychic: Alright, grab the purple chick. Tie the others up. I'll be following you at close distance. Dr.D grabs ties up ZX and Pinkie and throws them in the alley. He grabs Twilight and hoists her over his sholder and leaves. Psychic walks up to a bird that is sitting on the sidewalk. Psychic: Now, just stay there for a second... Psychic's eyes flash once and he disappears in a cloud of purple smoke. He flies out of the smoke, however, he has transformed into a bird. The "bird" then follows Dr. D as he makes for the city's edge. DMS, Luna, and 02 walk towards a large dock. Luna: Ooh, this is interesting! DMS: Wait, who's that?? DMS points to Psychic and Dr. D. DMS: Wait... Is that Twilight...?? Luna: They have Twilight?! 02: Well, don't just stand there! Come on, let's go after them! DMS, Luna, and 02 run towards Dr. D and Psychic. Dr. D: W-What the?! Psychic transforms back into normal. Psychic: Ugh, run! Psychic turns back into the bird and flies off. Dr. D runs off, carrying Twilight. DMS: GET BACK HERE!! DMS charges after him! Luna: Ugh, Revelian, wait up! 02 and Luna run after them. After a few minutes of chasing, DMS traps Dr. D in an alleyway! DMS: Time's up, bitch! Hand Twilight over! Dr. D: UGH!! Looks like I've gotta take care of you myself! Dr. D throws Twilight onto the ground and pulls out his hammer! Boss: Dr. D riRTACw-CNk Theme DMS charges forward! Dr. D takes 4456 damage!! Dr. D's mask is knocked off! Dr. D: Damnit!! Dr. D's penguin-like face is revealed, instantly recognizable by DMS. DMS: Dedede? The hell are you doing here? DDD: Nothing you need to care about. Speaking of which, I hate you guys! Dark matters, think they rule the freaking world... DMS: ''YOU ''of all people telling someone they falsley rule a world? Bullshit. DDD: That's cuz I am a king, stupid! DDD makes a wide sweep with his hammer!! DMS barely dodged it! DMS charges forward! DDD takes 5493 damage! DDD charges up the super-hammer-spin attack!! DMS uses the Shard Attack! DDD was teleported into the sky! DDD fell to the ground! DDD takes 8949 damage! DDD was knocked out of his attack! DDD smashes with his hammer! DMS takes 8372 damage! DMS slices with his sword! DDD takes 5949 damage! DDD fell back! YOU WIN!! DDD breathes heavily from the fight, obviously somewhat exausted. DDD: You got some kick in you after all, huh? Well, not to be rude, but I gotta go. See ya later, suckers! DDD runs off, leaving Twilight behind. DMS, Luna, and 02 rush over to her. She seems to be waking up. 02: Are you going to let him get away? DMS: For now. I don't give a shit about Mr. Pengiun at the moment, when we have someone else to deal with. You okay Twilight? Twilight: Uh....yeah...ZX and Pinkie are... tied up near the fortune teller's place... We should go get them. That guy, Dedede? He was with some other guy, too. I guess he knocked us all out while we were focused on the fortune teller. DMS: Alright, I'll go get them... DMS goes off to get ZX and Pinkie. Luna: For God's sake, can't we just have a normal vacation for once? First, Chrysalis, now this buffoon? What's next? Twilight: Chrysalis? She followed us here? Luna: Apparently. Lazro and Sam saw a Changeling not too long ago. I wonder how they're doing... MEANWHILE... Lazro and Sam wander around the city. S17: Everything's deserted... Just a bunch of these block-headed guys... Lazro: Didn't we see one of these guys get mauled by that Changeling? S17: Yeah. I wonder what Changelings are doing here... Suddenly, 3 Changelings leap down from the top of buildings!! Lazro: OH CRAP!! ???: Yawn. You're still such a bore, Lazzy. Lazro: WATDEFUQDOYOUMEAN- Wait... Suddenly, Iala walks forward, holding the Hellbender. Iala: Need some help with these insectoid-freaks?? Lazro: PLEASE. Iala joins the party! And they fight the changelings. Chapter 6 - Fireworks Throughout that day, DMS's and ZX's group do some stuff together, keeping watch of any suspicious activity along the way. Lazro, Sam, and Iala continue exterminate. Ludicrine and HankGuideDude have really been the only ones having fun, being completely ignorant of thier situation. Everyone has congregated, however, to see what is supposed to be a fantastic fireworks show, on the lake. The area lights are dim, and it is late as the blockhead pyrotechnicians prepare the show. DMS: After all of today this better be good... I've been through a lotta shit today. Luna: At least we can watch the fireworks together, Revelian. ZX: So, Pinkie, you ready? It's supposed to be really good. Pinkie: Yeah! I love fireworks! They're so... explosively happy! Iala: So, Lazro... She scoots up next to him. Lazro cringes awkwardly. Samuel17 just pokerfaces and walks away. Ludicrine and HGD appear. LD: THAT WAS AWESOME!! HGD: I WAZZA FIRIN MAH LAZORS!! DMS: What are you talking about? LD: The laser tag place. It was epic. HGD: Epppiiiiccc!! ZX: They had a laser tag place? fffffuuuu- Pinkie: Don't worry about it, we had fu- well sort of fun. I think it's starting! The street lights fade to dark, and a drumroll plays. A lone spark flies into the air. DMS: Yawn.... It continues to fly up into the sky, then as it's altitude climaxes... SSSSSSHHHAHABOOOM!! It explodes into a fiery burst of magnificence. Soon after tens upon tens of other fireworks shoot into tthe sky, exploding in all kinds of various colors and patterns. Twilight: Wow! The fireworks continue to light the sky as boats start to float around the edge of the lake. They continue to circle around a glowing round sphere, that begins to rise up out of the water. Show dancers, acrobats, and fire-dancers and such on the boats continue the show. It was fantastic. But suddenly, the lights on the boats cut off and the fireworks stop... DMS: What the-? What gives? Then, a dim green light shines over the boats and focuses on the central ball. The sphere splits into quarters and an enormous flower structure emerges from the ball. The bud sticks out, then glows green. ZX: This... this isn't right! DMS: Oh, great... here we go again. Evil cackling emerges from the flower as it "blooms." The petals open to reveal none other than Chrysalis. Changelings appear from the boats and start attacking the performers. She floats over to the gang. Chrysalis: Oh! I'm sorry! Did I steal the show? It's just my nature... DMS: Oh, can it you slut. Why do you keep bothering us? I just came here to get a fucking vacation and you follow us just to pester me and Luna both. I know you've got a problem with me but could you JUST LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE?! ZX: ...What he said. Luna looks around for a second. Luna: Damnit, our guns are on the ship!! Iala: Great, this is why I NEVER let anyone else hold my weapons... They'll get fucking stolen like this!! They hear more cackling behind them. The ship's captain walks onto the deck... and promptly turns into a Changeling. DMS: Jesus, they've must have replaced the entire crew! Chrysalis: And not just that... All of these ships, as well. ZX: Oh God... DMS: Luna, Pinkie, Iala!! Go get your guns! ZX, go with them! ZX: Why?? DMS: BECAUSE WE DO NOT NEED CHRYSALIS STARSTORMING US TO HELL. ZX: ROGER THAT. They all run off, ZX decapitating the Changeling as he moves. The others turn to face Chrysalis. Chrysalis: Now then... Now that your wife is gone... Let's have some fun, shall we...?? DMS: IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU SKANK. Chrysalis: Fine, then... I guess I'll extract as much love as I can... from your corpses. Chrysalis floats downward towards the gang!! Boss: Chrysalis (Actual boss this time) DMS charges forward! Chrysalis takes 1493 damage! LD fires an aura bolt! Chrysalis takes 930 damage! Lazro uses the HAIRPIN! It became... a hairpin. Lazro: PINCEPTION!!! Chrysalis was stunned! S17 charges up a mega slash! Twilight fires a beam of energy! Chrysalis takes 594 damage! 02 launches a blast of dark energy!! Chrysalis takes 1930 damage! Chrysalis returned to normal! DMS charges forward! Chrysalis takes 1392 damage! LD attacks with TRANCE! Chrysalis takes 1504 damage! Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became a rock! Lazro threw the rock! Chrysalis doesn't take any damage! S17 unleashes the mega slash! Chrysalis takes 2493 damage! Twilight launches a magic blast! Chrysalis takes 1492 damage! 02 launches a bolt of dark energy! Chrysalis takes 2594 damage! Chrysalis transforms into S17! Chrysalis activates the Speed Amplifier! Chrysalis transforms into DMS!! Chrysalis charges forward!! LD takes 24923 damage!!! LD got hurt and collapsed... DMS charges forward! Chrysalis takes 1594 damage! Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became an RPG! Lazro fires the RPG! Chrysalis takes 2403 damage! S17 unleashes a flaming slash! Chrysalis takes 1459 damage!! Chrysalis gets knocked down!! Second attack! S17 unleashes a flaming slash! Chrysalis takes 1930 damage! Chrysalis leaps to her feet!! Twilight charges up a magic spell! 02 unleashes a bolt of dark energy! Chrysalis takes 2493 damage! Chrysalis transforms into DMS! Chrysalis charges forward! 02 takes 14032 damage!! Chrysalis transforms into Twilight! Chrysalis launches a magic blast! Twilight takes 9392 damage! DMS charges forward! Chrysalis takes 1605 damage! Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas! Chrysalis takes 950 damage! S17 activates the Speed Amplifier! Twilight launches a powerful blast of dark energy!! Chrysalis takes 3859 damage!! 02 launches bloody tears! The gang recovered 8000 HP! Chrysalis transforms into 02! Chrysalis launches bloody tears in the air! Chrysalis recovered 5000 HP! DMS: DAMNIT. Chrysalis transformed into LD! Chrysalis fired an Aura Bolt! DMS takes 9054 damage!! DMS was knocked down! Second attack! Chrysalis transforms into LD! Chrysalis fired an Aura Bolt! DMS takes 13920 damage!! DMS got hurt and collapsed... Lazro: Shiieeettt.... Lazro activates the IRONGLOW KEY!! It became an Electrolaser Cannon! Chrysalis: What?!? Lazro: EAT ELECTROLASER, BITCH!! Lazro fires the Electrolaser Cannon!!! Chrysalis takes 8493 damage!!! Lazro: ...SHE WASN'T DEFEATED?!? OH COME ON!! S17 unleashes a flaming slash! Chrysalis takes 1584 damage!! Chrysalis was knocked down! Second attack! S17 unleashes a flaming slash! Chrysalis takes 1940 damage!! Chrysalis cries out and backs up!!! YOU WIN!! DMS: *Pant* There we fucking go...! Chrysalis stands at the edge of the boat, panting. Chrysalis: Haha... how exhilarating... I enjoy our "sessions"... Again, I'm off! She leaps forward, gives DMS another quick kiss, and flies off. DMS: Fucking hell. LD: Well, at least she's gone. The changelings should also cease the attack with the loss of their leader... Wait a second. Hank wasn't in the fight!! Where is he? Suddenly, Chrysalis turns around. Chrysalis: OH!! AND WE HAVE YOUR FRIEND WITH US!! IF YOU WANT HIM BACK, THEN WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE GREEN FLOWER!! Chrysalis laughs again and flies off. DMS: Damnit!! The Changelings must have taken him before we fought! The "green flower" is that thing in the middle of the lake, right?? LD: Seems like it. That's where Chrysalis is flying. Suddenly, ZX and the others arrive on deck. Luna: We're back...! ...What, did we miss it?! DMS: Yeah, we won. But they took Hank!! ZX: Oh come on!! DMS: They're waiting in that flower... thing. I don't even know what it is. Pinkie: Well, come on! We have to save him! DMS: Relax, Pinkie, we will! Does anyone know how to drive a ship?? Everyone looks confused. DMS: Oh brother... Meanwhile, on one of the boats... DDD smashes a Changeling with his hammer, sending it flying into the ocean. A white ghost-like being floats down next to him- The same enemy that tricked the gang earlier. Psychic: So many of these things! What ARE these?? DDD: No idea, Doopliss. There was a big fight going on one of the boats, though. Some weird bug-chick flew off and went back into that flower. Doopliss: Weird. These things shapeshift! I thought I was the only one here that could do that! DDD: Dunno, but the boat that the fight was on is moving towards the flower, now! Wanna follow? Doopliss: Yes. I bet that's where they are... Get this boat moving DDD: I thought I was the king... Doopliss: Just do it! DDD begrudgingly activated the boat, and it started moving towards the flower as well. Elsewhere... Kuipter walks into the kitchen, carrying a basket of clothes. Kuipter: Celestia! I got those clothes like you w- Kuipter slips on a puddle of water and hits the floor. Kuipter: Oh what the hell!? Celestia sits on a chair, looking as if she is straining. Kuipter: Celestia! What's wrong!? Celestia: Kuipter, my water broke...! Kuipter stares at her, confused, Celestia: It means the baby's almost done!! Kuipter continues to stare at her. Celestia: THE BABY'S ABOUT TO BE BORN!! Kuipter's expression changes to that of shock. Celestia starts to moan in pain. Kuipter: Oh SHIT. W-WHAT DO I DO!? Celestia: T-take me to a bed...!! Kuipter: Don't we have to go to a hospital!? Celestia: KUIPTER, THERE IS NO TIME. THIS BABY WANTS OUT NOW. Carry me upstairs...! Auughhh!! Kuipter picks her up gently and carries her to DMS' bedroom. He puts her on the bed and grabs a hold of her hand. Kuipter: I'll call 911, at least! Celestia: H-hurry up... Urgh!! Kuipter pulls out his cell phone and dials something. Kuipter: Operator!! Get me the number for 911!! Celestia: WHAT!? 911 IS THE NUMBER, YOU IDIOT!! IT ISN'T A FUCKING PLACE!! Kuipter: FUCK. He dials 911. Kuipter: YEAH!! HEY!! GET AN AMBULANCE!! THERE'S A WOMAN GOING INTO LABOR!! Kuipter hangs it up. Kuipter: They'll be here soon enough! Celestia: K-Kuipter, they're not gonna make it... Kuipter grabs onto her hand and holds it. She cries out in pain as the baby is delivered. Celestia: K-Kuipter!! Wipe the baby clean! Kuipter grabs the cleanest thing he can find and wipes the sticky fluid off of the baby, allowing it to breath. Celestia: O-Ok... We c-can relax... See what gender it is... Kuipter gently picks the baby up and looks at its private. Celestia: Well...? Kuipter: I see a pussy. Celestia facepalms. Celestia: It's a girl... They both take time to look at the child. It's body is a sleek white. Small patches of golden-orange sit in top of its tiny head. Celestia lovingly cradles the baby. Celestia: Got a name for her...? Kuipter thinks for a moment. Kuipter: Starbreeze?? Celestia: She looks a bit too "sunny" for that, now doesn't she...? But it's alright... I like the name... She leans over and gives Kuipter a quick kiss. Paramedics soon arrive to take them to the hospital. Back to DMS... The gang sits on the boat, bored. It's still a ways to the flower. Suddenly, DMS gets a text. DMS: What? DMS pulls out his cell phone and reads the text. It says- "MY KID IS BETTER THAN YOURS!!" Along with the text is a picture of Starbreeze. DMS: Holy shit! Luna: What is it? DMS: Celestia had her baby. Kuipter just sent me a text. Luna: What!? Everyone gathers around to see the picture of the baby. Luna: I can only hope that it won't turn out as bad as its mother... ZX: Luna, relax. Luna sighs angrily. DMS: Woah, hey, we're here. The boat arrives at the massive flower. It turns out to be a large complex. DMS: Alright, let's get HGD! LD: Come on! The gang runs out of the boat towards the bud of the flower. Category:Stories